Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
