Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
