If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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