im about as happy as oj after his trial
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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