You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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