puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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