After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
