Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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