I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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