playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
