yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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