i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
