The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
