I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
