are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
