and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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