So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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