I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
MIDGETS
????
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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