Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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