based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
