I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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