found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
