Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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