I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
