I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
