sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
