I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
