Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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