so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
