I look better un-naked...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
