Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
