I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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