The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
