id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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