i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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