Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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