Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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