Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
