Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
