Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
