I can text with my tongue
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
