I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
