1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
