whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
