I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
