is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
