i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
