Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
