giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
