Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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