I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
