Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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